I haven’t posted since July. Life has been really tough mentally. I’ve gone through a lot of odd little things that have triggered my probable attachment issues mid-year and then I had to move from a really toxic environment, and I say that quite literally, you can see the IG and Twitter posts I made about it all. Well I didn’t go into details really anywhere except with maybe a few people who asked. Sharing has been tough, to be honest, but I posted about the mold and anyone who has talked to me in the last year knew about that place leaving my family and I without electricity in two rooms of that… place.
That’s not the point of this post, however. The point of this post is about my bunny. I call her a rescue bunny because I felt I rescued her from being abandoned or being given to someone who might eat her for dinner or I can’t even think of what I imagined would happen to her if I didn’t help her back then. I knew a person who at that point in their life had a dream of helping the poor and providing local meat etc etc etc. Person had bought my bun and her two brothers for those plans. At some point later I’m not sure when person was forced to change their living situation and gave my bun and her brothers to a local food pantry to be cared for and also help the poor by providing local meat etc. Side note, each time I write those words it hurts my heart, and no I am not a vegan. I am aware of how that might come across.
On to the rest of the story, my bun’s two brothers died of starvation because the three of them were being fed scraps. So the person I mentioned before pulled her out of there to save her life. Person took my bun to another person who promised to keep bun under their care only to develop an allergy and relinquish my bun to the unknown again. They asked me if I wanted to take in bun because “you love bunnies, you’ve always wanted one.”
At this point I felt kind of cornered, and looking back my depression or maybe it’s my intuition that I kind of ignored back then is telling me part of this was planned but who knows. I might save the details about my current feelings surrounding this, but I ended up taking my bun into my care in April 2015. It felt against my will but also it felt like it was the only way to honor the life of an innocent bunny who had done nothing wrong. As it is my protocol in being an un-trusting and paranoid person I felt I was the only person I could trust and there after the only person to blame. I was told on that day that I would have help, after all, for food and any other needs she might have.
I had a really shabby cage given to me for my birthday in January that same year just because I had seen a bunny at a pet store who I thought was cute. After I saw a random bunny at a pet store I thought about researching and seeing what it would take to be a bunny mom. I thought of the costs first and had been browsing on Amazon at cages with no intention of doing anything. You might be wondering why I am going on about this or of this but I want to tell you it will make sense eventually, maybe it won’t but please bare with me. I showed that person who had originally purchased my bun telling them I thought it was cute cause it was shaped like a little house. Next thing I know it was at my door step, which I didn’t quite enjoy but I was grateful to receive a gift because that’s a king thing to do. I think anyone would agree. I say it was shabby because it was way too small for any bunny, it had a wire bottom which is really bad for bunnies. I didn’t get a chance to look into any of this before it was given to me. I am wondering if at the time the person knew that my bun was needing a new home, but I can’t remember since I wasn’t really all there when I saw posts about her on Facebook.
So here is where I get into the part where I explain why my little one needs help. You see, I would have never had a pet by my own choice, not because I don’t love having the companionship, not because I don’t need the warmth and love and stability my bun offers me but because I have been in really bad financial conditions for years. It’s been hard enough taking care of my mom and myself let alone an innocent little animal. A responsible pet owner knows that they need vet check ups regularly, preventative and emergency care. I cannot afford insurance for myself or my mother much less a bunny. Bunnies are not easy pets to have. They are just as expensive and need as much attention as a cat or dog if not more because they are exotic animals. The humane society doesn’t have that low cost option of a rabbit savvy vet like I would for a cat or dog.
For years rabbits have been seen as started animals many of us who research and love our little buns know this but many others do not. Bunnies lose their homes around Easter because they aren’t “cute” small any more, or they’re “messy.” The house rabbit society has lots of information about that and many other things bunnies face in our society. You can also find information about how dangerous it is for a female bunny to live a long happy life un-spayed. Here is the issue, I was promised help for all her needs and I never received that help. I have been fighting to get out of poverty with one obstacle after another since before I ever brought her into my life.
I do not regret rescuing her, never a day in my life, because she have saved my heart and helps me fight depression daily. She’s my emotional support animal and I have proof of that if anyone needs it or wants it. She helps me fight my anxiety with her quiet and tender personality. She helps me feel grounded when the world is crumbling around me. She helps me remember that it is more important to fight to live than pray to die. She lived through a year of social isolation (bunnies are very social creatures and she was housed separate from her brothers before they died), I can’t afford to get her a bun friend and I much less have ever been able to afford getting her spayed. Spaying or neutering (for male buns) is an essential part of your bun having a long happy life. Please note, the beginning of the next paragraph is detailed and possibly graphic for some.
Tuesday night November 19, 2019 at around 8-9 PM my mom and I were sitting and playing with my little one in the living room and she suddenly peed bright red. I had not seen any signs of illness or unusual coloring in her urine before and this was really alarming and really traumatic for me. I knew it was going to be a lot of money that I can’t even imagine having just to find out what was wrong. I took her to the emergency vet who kindly did a free consultation and told me she wasn’t in immediate danger but she needed to see a regular doc of vet medicine asap. The next day I had to take time off work to get her to a vet which to most means nothing but those 2-3 hours that mean $20-30 less in a paycheck means I can’t cover my bills. I had to apply for care credit that only covered a portion of what I owe right now and I only have 30 days to pay that. It was about $600 in vet bills that day and I lost gas money because both these clinics were not very close to my home.
Since my little bun was never spayed there is a high probability that she has cancer. The initial x-rays show that nothing has spread to her lungs but there is a concerning growth in her mouth as well which is something new since a fan made the gofundme when I asked her to help me in that manner. ( which if you’re reading this, and you know who you are, thank you so much from the bottom of my soul, by the way). Once they remove her little uterus it has to be sent out to be tested for cancer which adds to the cost of the spay. I am not sure how much will be added to get her to better health after that either. She has some sort of skin condition which might have been given to her when she was caged along side chickens at the food pantry or it might have been given to her by the rats that our old apartment complex let into our home (they left outside access to the attic open for months, which is prob how we lost electricity too) I’m not sure, it might also be that I am a horrible human being but I am trying hard to not blame myself and not speak cruelly about myself so moving on.
She’s 5 years old now and I am fearing for her little bun life. Please help my baby by sharing, donating or whatever you can do to save her. She is like a daughter to me which I know is really hard for a lot of people to understand who have never owned a pet. After growing up in a broken home I have often pondered my ability to love another human being as deserved, especially as most of my friends and family end up abandoning me.
Most of me has never believed I could ever love anything well. This hurts my heart so much. I want her to live, I want to be better for her sake and my sake and my mom’s sake. I’ve worked hard on my mental health without the access to a therapist or anything of that nature. The year I got her I made a video and posted it to YouTube about this sentiment.
My bun has taught me a lot about my fears and my anxiety just because of her nature as a prey animal. Bunnies hide their pain, did you know that? She helps keep me grounded.
I’m sorry this post is so long, thank you for reading.