cptsd

Will it Crash the Site?

Hoping this video I made doesn’t crash the site – the whole thing might get fucked soon cause of some changes to a plugin I use is changing and I have no way to fix it and tbh no idea what the fuck the notice was saying in the email and the jerk who used […]

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Ibuprofen

Twenty four years ago my father blamed me for his marriage falling apart. Let me warn you now, this post comes with heavy content warnings of abuse (all types), poverty, war, maybe suicidal ideation and sexual abuse, proceed with caution. A week ago my brain was so swollen I felt my guts churning into a

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Pena Pity Pena

Que pena… Que triste… Often I struggle with receiving kindness, often I struggle with trusting kindness, often I struggle to believe I can ask for kindness or compassion… I’m used to pity. Many years it was used against me to fuel the egos of others as I was seen as a charity case. Some say

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Night Chills

A trembling spirit grasp at lightthe glimmers seemfading in the waves shadowsfamiliar specterstempting to drowntempting to seclude the spirit weepssoftlyunheardbeneath a smile As if desire could birthAs if joy could breatheAs if mutual warmth was sharedAs if there was anything to receive Night chillsHaunting shiversHaunting wishesHaunting dismissals tiny spiritYou are lovedIndeed feel the earthshe cries

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Whiplash

This calendar year has been a roller-coaster, I feel like I keep saying that everywhere. The highs and lows have been unexpected and exhausting but I believe I feel a little bit of peace for now. Within minutes yesterday morning I went from trying to share my feelings of shame, confusion and grief to a

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